All In

My biggest challenge (at age 20) is focus. At least I think it is (I may be wrong).

I recognize that this is not a “real” problem. Real problems are much harder. Real problems are health, protection, family, etc. Real problems plague millions and millions of people each and every year and while I do face many of them, I recognize I am in a very lucky and special place.

Nonetheless, I think a lot about focus. Focus is hard for me. Going all in on one thing is really hard for me. Why?

Perhaps it is insecurity. Perhaps it is curiosity. Likely it is a combination of multiple factors.

Over the past few years, since starting college (and even before), I realize I have never gone all in on just one thing. I have been close, kind of. But never fully committed. I wonder if this is rare? Or common? When do people decide to commit? What type of evidence do I need?

I find it a gaping weakness to have never gone all in on one thing.

There are many things I am deeply passionate about – but I have never devoted my full and entire attention to them. Imposter syndrome sets in..what am I waiting for?

I have written blog posts like this before, but I have always given the same excuse: I am still wandering. I am taking in a large breadth of experiences before diving deep. And I guess that is true. I am always working on multiple things at once – school, projects, traveling, consulting, interning, etc.

But I realize…to be super successful…I really have to narrow it down and work on 3-4 things maximum. I won’t have time for multiple projects, multiple hobbies, etc.

Health. Family. Some Mission. 

I realize this is just one way of thinking. There are many paths to your goals. And you often do not have to give up exploration in pursuit of whatever it is you are going for.

Yet I just feel like I am missing something in the sense that I have never tested – experimented with – giving something my all. My very all. All in. From a personal experiment sense – I really wonder what that would be like…