I believe that growth contributes greatly to feeling happy and fulfilled.
Without growth, we get bored and we start to focus on things that do not really matter. We get wrapped up in really inconsequential materialistic things that are solely there to fuel our ego. Like anything, things and building ego gets really old. That is why I believe growth, and constantly being challenged, is one of the key things that make people happy.
“Success” is also an interesting concept. How do you become successful? That is a bad question. In fact, it is one of the worst questions you can ask someone. The question is completely relative, and if you take someone else’s advice on this issue — chances are you are going to get a loaded answer.
Which brings me to a point about figuring out which are the “right questions” to ask. Don’t get me wrong, this is not easy. It takes a lot of practice and understanding of the human mind to understand which questions to ask, when.
- how do i get a job
- how do i become successful
- how do i become rich
- how do i etc.
The reason these are bad questions to ask someone is that, no matter the question (as long as they stay in line with this format), I’d respond with the same question back:
why? what is your why?
And by asking that question in the first place, you tell me you have not thought about your why. Which means you are not innately passionate about whatever it is you are trying to do.
As an example, think of things you are really passionate about in general. Netflix? ok. If I asked you why you like watching netflix, you’d say because it was fun.
But most of the time, in the professional world, people are just faking it. They are doing things because they are being led in that direction by a number of factors.
Sam Altman says it best,
It’s not easy to figure out what you actually care about– there are so many directions you can go. But rather than listening to where other people might push you, it’s worth trying to figure this out for yourself. Don’t chase other people’s ideas of what matters. The best way to succeed long-term is to deeply believe that what you’re doing matters.
Most people just fall into things that come their way. That can work — people sometimes just have to try stuff to figure out what they like — but I think it’s worth being more deliberate. Try to develop and carefully refine strong convictions about what you want to accomplish.
I think that is really true. It is worth trying to do things on your own. But asking the right questions can help you get tactical advice where you need it. Asking the wrong questions, however, can “waste” a lot of your time and really screw you over in the long run.
So it is best to figure out how to ask the right questions. So that way you are not wasting others or your own time.
One concept, and key understanding of humans, that I have learned is this simple thing: Most (like 99 percent of us) just want to feel important.
If you know that, then perhaps you start asking better questions. You make people think harder, etc.
More than that, ask yourselves the hard questions first so when someone else asks you them, you already have an answer.
Originally published at Jordan Gonen.
Exported from Medium on February 17, 2018.