Now now

“If not now…when?” 

I have thought about these words before. The scary part for me is that I have even written – several times – about that phrase. Those few words are only “scary” in the sense is that it is a reminder of urgency. It is a reminder that we have a very very small chance of doing something actually valuable for the world. The interesting thing is that I no longer have an answer.

Younger version of me would have said I need to go to college first. That answer has gradually evolved over the years but now what? I am going to be a senior. I have no good answer. I have to do something?

And that I am “potentially” wasting my life away until I do. That is a grim view of my life and not the view I actually believe. But…it is worth the exercise thinking through that frame.

I am young. Now is the time…right?

If all goes well, this exact moment is perhaps the least controversial time for me to take a leap of faith and take a chance on something big. What am I waiting for? I have less responsibilities on my plate that I will ever have in the future. I do not have to do anything. I have no one dependent on me.

I have to prove myself.

I think that is the biggest thing…all this talk…all this thinking through…what’s the point?

Also published on Medium.