No agenda

How often do you find yourself having no plans? Nothing to think about? Nothing to worry about? Nothing to schedule for? Nothing you rather be doing with your time? No fear of missing out?

For me…the answer to those questions is very rarely. Especially in the competitive environment of school, I find myself constantly competing against others and myself to outperform and outmanage my life. I am always booking my calendar, thinking ahead, trying to put myself in the best future position.

Or at least I used to.

I find that this type of lifestyle takes me away from being able to appreciate the present. And I do not think I am unique in that I think this way…lots of people prefer order to chaos.

I do too. It is comfortable. Schedules are comfortable. Routines are easy. Knowing that when you lie down at night that you have a plan for the next day makes you sleep better. It is healthy.

I am the type of person that always has to be moving, doing something, and pushing myself.

Ironically, though, having no agenda is a big challenge for me. And this is what I have been trying more often over the past few weeks while studying abroad. I want to plan less and experience more. I want to enjoy what is around me and stop worrying so much about other things I could be doing with my life.

“Going with the flow” is always easier said than done. You cannot plan it. You cannot prepare for it. You cannot do it well.

You just really have to live it.

I find I am at my peak performance/happiness/state when I am fully absorbed in the moment. I find that ironic. The harder I try to optimize the worse I often perform.